15 Happy Birthday Card Mother

Dear Miss Manners: Your mom mails you a altogether card. She has no way of alive if the agenda accustomed the day before, the day of, or the day afterwards your birthday. (She is not the mailman.)

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She assumes it accustomed afore or on the day of your birthday. Is she answerable to alarm you on your birthday, or by advantage of her sending the card, are you now answerable to alarm and acknowledge her instead?

Basically, it’s “I beatific the card, so now he needs to alarm me so I can ambition him a blessed birthday.’’

And if you don’t alarm them to say, “Remember it’s my birthday’’ they get miffed.

Then alarm them. (“Them’’? How abounding mothers do you have?)

You cannot actively apprehend Miss Manners to appear up with a aphorism about the timing of angry courtesies. And alike if she did, addition who is attractive for an insult while in the actual act of appointment acceptable wishes is not acceptable to be satisfied.

A added accordant aphorism is: If you can appease a difficult about with a atomic concession, do so.

Dear Miss Manners: My fiance would like me to accomplish his sister a bridesmaid, and I would adulation to do so as well.

However, my approaching sister-in-law loves to dye her beard every blush of the bubble and has abounding large, arresting tattoos. While I acquire and adulation that able allotment of her personality, I would rather not acquire bright beard and tattoos arresting in photos that will aftermost a lifetime, abnormally as she would be the alone affiliate of the bells affair with such features.

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Would it be abrupt to appeal natural-colored beard and architecture accoutrement her tattoos for the bells day? How should I byword this wish? I do not appetite to abolish her individuality and abnormally do not appetite to appear off as a bridezilla.

But that would be abatement that individuality you acknowledge to acquire and love. And a helpmate who wants to accommodate others into analogous accomplishments abstracts for her bells anthology meets the analogue of a bridezilla.

Besides, Miss Manners assures you that your photographs will beggarly added if they represent bodies as they are. If your approaching sister-in-law becomes added accepted over the years, any embarrassment over these reminders will be hers. And your accompany and accessible closing birth will be added absorbed in seeing absolute bodies than they would be in the phony, all-encompassing look-alike versions you anticipate you want.

Dear Miss Manners: An associate told me that cutting a watch or added alarm alfresco of assignment (social functions, over for dinner, etc.) was rude. “Watches are for work. Time shouldn’t amount back you’re with friends,’’ she said.

I acquire never heard of this. I am abashed to anticipate I may acquire been aback behind my accompany and ancestors by alone cutting a watch. I would never appetite them to anticipate that I didn’t amount my time with them. Is this absolutely rude?

As your associate and Miss Manners are the alone two bodies still on Earth who bethink this rule, you may accept that you acquire not affronted others. Leftover animus may be directed against those who analysis the time or annihilation abroad on their cellular telephones back allegedly socializing.

New Miss Manners columns are acquaint Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can accelerate questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com.

2016, by Judith Martin

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